P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think weed is turning my hair brown
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize