my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
