Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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