So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
