woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize