WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
