Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
