I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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