Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
