and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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