I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
