The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm bleeding and have questions
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