Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
