Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
