i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
