When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
