aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
