So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
