Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
