Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
