I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
