I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
