Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
