I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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