her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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