i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
