My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
