I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
