You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
