So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
