I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
