i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You've changed since you got that strap on
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
