I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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