I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
