this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
