Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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