I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
