He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
