God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize