SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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