i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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