I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
