K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
