I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
