You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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