He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How does it feel to date your dad?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
