you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
