I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
