She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
