I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
