I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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