Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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