Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
