the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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