What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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