I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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