Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
