i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
