I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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