i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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