She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
