I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
