I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
