is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
