Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
