I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
