it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
