Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
