I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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