i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize