Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
