weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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