I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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