i think my tv is drunk
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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