READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
